Guilmon's Birthday
by ric16
Summary: A birthday party for Guilmon throws up an interesting discussion about Digimon's ages.


**This is a silly one I've had in my mind for a while. Oh and you can review this one, I won't have you killed like the previous story. Honestly, that was more an experiment to see whether people actually read these bold bits or not more than anything. Turns out they do but one guy decided to ignore it anyway and if he's reading this then clearly my assassins didn't do their job properly.**

**Anyway, I don't own Digimon, which is really all I need to say.**

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><p>'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Guilmon, happy birthday to you!'<p>

'Yay! Now what, Takatomon?'

'Now blow out the candles, Guilmon.'

Guilmon took a deep breath. Unfortunately, the smoke from the candles got up one of his nostrils.

'Aaaaarrrrchooooo!'

Guilmon's sneeze blew out the candles but had the added effect of making his head jerk forward, straight into the cake.

'Mmm, coconut,' said Guilmon licking the cake off his face.

'Urgh, I have to endure dingo and dango's singing and now I get covered in cake?' complained Rika, wiping said cake off her arm. The cake which had also managed to cover most of the other Digimon and Tamers and even the walls of Guilmon's hut.

'Hey, you're no diva Rika!' complained Dingo, aka Kazu.

'Yeah,' agreed Dango, in other words, Kenta, 'You just don't have the ears to detect musical talent.'

'Gimme a break,' said Rika, 'There are pregnant animals in the Serengeti who have just miscarried thanks to you two!'

'Guys, guys,' interupted Henry, 'It's Guilmon's birthday, can we put the arguments on hold for once?'

The three of them mumbled their agreement. About two weeks ago, Takato had decided he wanted Guilmon to have a birthday party, "birthday" been the loose term for the day Guilmon first arrived in the real world. It was now five years since then and Takato felt like he should make up for not celebrating the previous four years. Takato's parents had luckily baked more than one cake and as Guilmon tucked into the one he'd ruined, the other Digimon and the Tamers started on the other.

The Digimon didn't really understand the concept of celebrating a birthday but Guilmon especially wasn't going to question people giving him food. Which was about the only thing any had thought to buy him as a present.

'So, five years old,' said Jeri, 'What does that make Guilmon in Digimon years?'

'Digitally speaking, Guilmon is a young adult, similar to all of you,' answered Renamon nibbling on a piece of cake.

'Muh meh mohme ma!'

'Swallow and try again Kazu,' instructed Takato.

Kazu gulped down his cake and said, 'I said, but he's only five! How come Digimon grow up so quickly?'

'Yeah, come to think of it, by the time Guilmon was only a few days old he'd developed language and motor skills beyond a lot of small children,' said Henry.

'It's simple,' said Renamon, 'Digimon have to develop quickly in the DigiWorld so they can survive.'

'Then how come he's still, you know, childish?' asked Rika trying to put it politely.

'Digimon are seemingly immortal,' answered Renamon, 'He's theorectically got centuries to mature, but only a few years to learn to survive.'

'Probably doesn't help that he grew up in this world rather than the tough ol' DigiWorld,' said Terriermon.

'Are you saying he's mollycoddled here?' asked Takato slightly peeved.

'He's been fed more than any Digimon in history thanks to your parents owning a bakery,' said Terriermon, 'So, just a bit of an easy life, yeah.'

Guilmon was completely unaware of the conversation happening around him as he had moved on from the cake and started on the jars of peanut butter several of the Tamers had bought him.

'How old are you then Terriermon?' asked Henry.

'Err, let's see... five plus... add another two... about fourteen,' answered Terriermon.

'So is that pretty old in Digimon terms?' questioned Kazu.

'Look at this way,' said Renamon, 'Most Digimon don't last 'til their tenth year in the DigiWorld.'

'How old are you Lopmon?' asked Susie intrigued.

'Older than most, I am a former Deva remember,' said Lopmon, 'About forty I suppose.'

'But the DigiWorld's only been around since the nineteen eighties,' said Henry, 'Unless this is one of those time dilation things.'

'How would I know? I only lived there,' said Lopmon.

'Hey Guardramon!' Kazu shouted outside, 'How old are you buddy?'

'About thirty I'd say,' replied the machine Digimon who had to stand outside since he couldn't fit in the hut.

'Dude!' said Kazu, 'I've been hanging around with a thirty year old all this time?'

'I suppose it's pointless asking you MarineAngemon?' said Kenta. His Digimon looked up from the cake he was eating and made the usual indiscernible sounds. 'Yeah I thought so.'

'That just leaves you Renamon,' said Kazu, 'So since you're so mature, you must be... about Guardramon's age?'

Renamon didn't seem inclined to answer, in fact she seemed quite put off at the question.

'Come on Renamon, don't keep us hanging,' said Kenta.

Renamon muttered something under her breath.

'What?' said Kazu.

'Fi... eight...' she said slightly louder.

'Huh?'

Kazu's pressuring led Renamon to very randomly lose her temper.

'I'm fifty eight alright!'

The others stared at her in silence having never seen Renamon lose her cool before. Renamon suddenly seemed to realise what she'd just done and went back to leaning against the wall trying to relax herself. Something that was not difficult to do when Kazu came out with his next comment.

'Damn you're old! We should be calling you Granny Renamon.'

What happened next happened very quickly. Renamon's action looked so painful it made every male there want to curl up in the foetal position, just like Kazu was on the floor, the only noise coming from him been a slight whimper.

As Renamon calmed down and went back to how she was, everyone there had one clear thought in their mind. Never call a Digimon old.

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><p><strong>Right, first, I'm not sure whether I made up dingo and dango or not. It's just a term I use to refer to a pair of idiots. Secondly, I know Ryo's not there, I always imagine him as busy elsewhere. Thirdly, don't get on at me about the ages, they're pretty much random. Okay I think that's it. Hope you enjoyed it, if not, I dunno go do something enjoyable. TV, walking, drinking, masturba... err... golf, whatever. See you next time, whenever and whatever I may work on next.<strong>


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